Stressed

I baked last night for the first time in weeks.

I haven’t been happy lately. Work isn’t going well and I come home each night feeling stressed and overwhelmed. I have been overlooking the things I know will help me feel better in favor of sitting on my couch with my dog watching Netflix.

I know cooking will make me feel better. As will writing. As will yoga. But it’s so hard to find the motivation when you feel down. I’ve struggled with depression for years and it comes and goes. And right now, I’m firmly in a depressive episode. I know I am and this weekend I made the conscious effort to engage in the activities I know will make me happier. I went to yoga. I baked a cake. I took longer walks with my dog. And I feel better.

And I’m making a new commitment to writing. I’m writing to you now and I took pictures of my weekend food activities and will write about them later in the week. Because sharing my passion is motivation. Talking about food and wine and my kitchen always make me happy. The more I talk about cooking, the more I cook. The more I cook, the happier I feel.

I need to remind myself of the pleasure I find in preparing food. Chopping is therapeutic. Stirring a pot garners results. And I desperately need results. Positive results. These past few weeks at work have felt futile. Like I’m bailing water out of a sinking canoe and everyone around me is just watching from the shore. But time spent in the kitchen always results in food. This weekend it was a caramel apple cake. Later this week there will be pasta. And I will find comfort in it.

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